Friday, April 8, 2011

Ultimate Fighting Snotmanship

It begins with a chase. Simple enough. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a running powerslam. I respond with a step-over-toe hold, they hit me back with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker followed by a twisting scissor hold. I break into a bridge rollup, but they've already got me in an Indian leglock. A torso flip happens in there somewhere, and I find myself locked in a nerve hold.

I throw down an orihara moonsault, but they're already mid-quackensmash. As I stand up they're coming at me with a double running clothesline. I hit the ground hard, and they're mexican arm-dragging my ass across the floor. I hit 'em with a leg sweep (classic) and surprise them with a gator buster followed by a dragon screw leg whip.

Finally I've got them. Full-nelsons all 'round. I switch to a sleeper hold and reach for the kleenex. I wipe the river of snot and release them, backing away so as to avoid their incensed airplane spins.

Round two in about five minutes.