When I was a kid, my mom and all my aunts went through this "electric massagers are MIRACLES" phase. All of them had some wonky model of electric massager, and during family gatherings everyone would laze around after dinner while kneading their tired 'ol necks and backs.
It's only now, as a full grown woman with womanly needs and womanly parts that enjoy a good "massage", that I realize what all the fuss was about.
Essentially we were chillin' with a bunch of big dildos. Miracle solved.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I will be in the shower until I can't feel the raunch anymore.