Monday, November 15, 2010

I am probably capable of some crazy sh*t

Sometimes my body gets these urges...

SIKE. This isn't a post about things that will make you uncomfortable in a pervy way. It's just an "I've been on the internet too long doing boring work and I need a distraction oh dear god I need a distraction" kinda post.

Sometimes I wonder what I'd be capable of in a do-or-die situation. Like, you know how sometimes when you're playing sports or when you're just pressed to do some physical feat without time to think about it, and you totally nail it? Those magical times where your body is like "eff off, brain. I got it," and you casually toss a crumpled paper into the trash from 20 feet away and everyone who sees it secretly thinks you have a crazy athletic past?

I wonder what I'd be capable of if I was in some kind of emergency situation and someone was like "YOU GOTTA BACKSPRING OUTTA HERE OR WE'RE ALL DEAD". I'm pretty sure that if I wasn't given the chance to think about it, I'd backspring the hell outta there and save countless lives. Positive, in fact.

Or say, there's a basketball that has a birthing cat in it and it needs to swish gently through the basket and land in some blankets or else the kittens won't make it. Preeeeettty sure I'd swish that shit.

Or like, someone backs me into an alleyway and my body instantaneously simulates crazy fighting moves, gathered from all the times I've watched Beverly Hills Ninja. Boom, whack, hiYAA! And then saying something cool as I leave like, "Your balls called, they're really small..." Or something more clever because my brain would be so impressed with my physical instincts that it would reward me with the best line ever.

Yeeaaaahh. I guess I should get back to my stuff.

Monday, November 8, 2010

I FEEL THE NEED

THE NEED, FOR:

- swedes
- mead
- tweed
- weed (whackers)
- dill seed
- misdeeds
- chicken feed
- guarantees
- mortgage deeds
- balm of gilead

Juz sayin. It's juz what I'm feelin yo.

RHYMING DICTIONARY IN YOUR FACES.