Saturday, May 8, 2010

tables totes turned

Once upon a time there was a girl who was riding her bike to her job/obligation thing even though she had a fever and felt really gross. As she pedalled against the wind along the river trail and thought about her last 24 hours of social interactions in her typically overly self-critical fashion, she approached a small trail underpass. Upon riding through it, she realized, last-minute, that there were 6 mallard ducks sitting in the middle of the path and that they weren't going nowhere. She veered to the side just in time, which brought her closer to the cement wall of the underpass, on top of which a large, hissy Canadian Goose was sitting. The goose's face was uncomfortably close to her own and its hiss was terrifying. She rode past as quickly as she could and proceeded to shudder for the remainder of the ride.

When she arrived (late) at her place of work-ish, her fortunes quickly changed when she realized that due to a slight mix up, two volunteers had shown up to help. What basically happened was, she had wished for someone to cover her SO hard, that it had come true. After making sure everything was good to go, she turned around and headed back home on her trusty junkbike, fever escalating but mood sweetening.

Once back on the river path, her mood continued to improve to the point where she happily hissed at a random gross goose on the side of the path, sending a message that she hoped he'd pass along to his disgusting gaggle of assgooses. The message apparently wasn't received (or maybe it was), because when she came back to the underpass, there were the same six mallards and the one hissy goose, now at sidewalk level. They were well off to the side of the path, however, so she didn't anticipate any trouble.

It was at precisely that moment of letting her guard down that one of the female mallards (let's call her... a ho) decided to fly straight into her face. It was freaky and weird and as she once again dodged those f*cking ho mallards, she veered too close to the hissy goose. He hissed at her ankles as she passed and then she proceeded to get the hell out of that crazy ass underpass.

BUT, she was now riding with the wind, the sun was shining, and she had a cozy naptime awaiting her. These facts crowded out the creepy ho-bird experiences and as she passed the city workers filling the Memorial Dr. meridians, she came very close to shouting "looks great, guys!" She didn't though, because that would have made her look crazy.

Then she pulled up to her house to find her landlord putting the finishing touches of awesome garden dirt in all the spots she plans to plant in this year, and she came inside to find that her husband had saved her favourite kind of chips for her, and then he made her a delicious sandwich and she felt so awse that she had to write about it.

The end.