Wednesday, December 31, 2008

see ya's 2008

2008 and I are sitting together, saying our goodbyes.

Me: So, I guess this is it, huh 2008?

2008: Oh god... I swore I wouldn't cry...

Me: Hey, hey now. You had a good run. I mean, Obama right?

2008: Ya but what about the major global economic nose dive? All the terrible disasters? I don't know... I just feel like I could've tried a little harder *sniff*.

Me: It's true, you could've.

2008 (confused, wiping eyes): ... um... yeah I know... ?

Me: Like, a lot of bad stuff went down on your watch...

2008: Thanks. Thanks for that...

Me: I was into you at first, but now I'm remembering all the bad stuff you did...

2008: That stuff wasn't my fault! Just cuz it was during my year... plus lots of good stuff happened to you, you can't really complain...

Me: That's true. I had a pretty good time.

2008 (pouting): Well that makes one of us.

Me: The Canadian election was a shitshow though--

2008: ALRIGHT. I know. Lay off!

Me: Like, I was excited when you started, and overall it was pretty good, but man, you seriously screwed stuff up...

2008: You know what? You're kind of a bitch.

Me (highly offended, speaking sarcastically) : You know what? You're kind of outdated! Literally! Like, what are you even going to do when 2009 comes? You know you'll be remembered as a crappy year, right?

2008 slaps me.

Me: I knew it! You're a bastard! get the hell outta my life!

2008: I--I'm sorry... I didn't mean to-- you just make me so angry...

Me: Just go. And don't let the door shove itself up your bum on the way out.

2008 turns to go, but stops at the door, facing away from me.

2008: Wow. I never would've imagined we'd end up this way.

Me: Me neither, 2008.

2008: We had good times, didn't we?

Me: Ya, but apparently not enough to make you not want to slap me.

2008: I guess not...

Me: GO!

2008: Goodbye, Sarah Adams-Bacon. May 2009 treat you with less slappiness than I did.

Me: WhatEVER.

2008 leaves and I continue with party preparations. I pull down my 2008 calendar and hang up the 2009 one.

Close-up on the 2008 calendar looking sad and forgotten. Fade out.

Happy New Year!!!

Sunday, December 28, 2008

sunday diary-ah

Okay, I'm going to start posting entries from the weeks of the same dates, since they're so short:

Dec 26, 1991 (12 years old)
"Dear Diary,
Today was so boring I nearly died. I wish I could go into the acting business again. P__ came over today, but she's boring too.

Dec 27, 1991
"Dear Diary,
Today I read an entry in Deanne's diary, I sure wish I hadn't. Her and Jason D. were French kissing in the back of a car! S___ and his girlfriend were in the front. S___ should've known better! He knows Deanne isn't allowed to do that! Bye!"

Dec 28, 1991
"Dear Diary,
I went to Auntie Beth's house today and I think I sprained my toe! After, Katherine took me, Audrey, Annalee and Brenda to the show to see hook! It's just like a sequal to the cartoon! And I think Chris E. likes me! Bye!"

Dec 29, 1991
"Dear Diary,
Today was booring! I did nothing but go to church, come home, and watch some movies for the hundredth time. Very boring!

Dec 30, 1991
"Dear Diary,
Today I made a bunch of paper doll cut-outs. Then I went sleding with my friends, afterwards we went to Nat's and made a movie.

I'll save the next few for the New Year. There's some good ones coming up: Crushes! Kevin Costner! Drama!

Monday, December 22, 2008

wish list

In the spirit of cabin fever and passing time while Vera explains to Puppy why he can't ever leave her, ever (while she rubs his tail under her nose breathing heavily), I'm going to make a list of things I 'd rather be doing today:

1. I'd like to pile all the snow in my yard and then hollow it out into a Barbapapa house. I can't because the snow is too dry AND IT'S -30.
2. I'd like for Aragorn to show up, fresh from battle. I'd draw him a bath and blow his mind with my battle-strategy skills. Obviously, he'd forsake Arwen, and Mike would be into the idea of me having two husbands.
3. I'd like it if my mom and someone fun showed up at the same time. My mom would be like, "can I please watch Vera for the next 24hrs?", and the fun person would be all, "let's go make shitty movies!", and I'd be all, "hey, what a crazy coincidence! Yes and yes, you guys!"
4. I'd like it if the ladies who own the Kensington pub stopped by with tinfoil-wrapped pub food and a jug of cider and were like, "here, honey. You deserve this."
5. I'd like to decorate those gingerbreadmen we made this weekend. Oh wait, I guess I could actually do that. Nah, I'm too bored.
6. I'd like it if I could make my house anti-gravity and not have to be squashed down on the earth's surface for one GD second.
7. I'd like it if Santa accidentally came early to my house with a Wii and a magical new version of Zelda, and then left one of his trusty elves to watch Vera while I spent the next three days in the basement.
8. I'd like it if Mike came home really early and burst in with a check for a million bucks, and then waved it around saying, "I GOT A MILLION BUCKS!" Maybe naked?
9. I'd like it if Stephen Colbert knocked on my door and was like, "we're doing a Calgary special and we're lost, can we tape our show in your house with you as the main guest?" I'd be like, "Sure! Cocoa? Hahahahahaha... we're BEST friends!"
10. I'd like it if the lazy SOB dishes would do themselves for once. Stupid dirty freeloaders.
11. I'd like it if my body suddenly became crazy agile, and I could do lots of cool flips and stunts, and Vera would think that I was really cool for forever.
12. I'd like it if I had more interesting things to say than what I'm actually writing.
13. I'd like it if I got an amazing sampler in the mail that could fix every single flaw on my body, and then when my friends saw me next they'd be all, "DAY-UM!" and I'd be all, "I know, right?"
14. I'd like it if the presents under the tree that are for me multiplied when I touched them (into different awesome presents).
15. I'd REALLY like it if I could clone myself and be able to do every single thing that I wanted. A whole community of me's working for me, and all the experiences would be communal. Think of the productivity!
16. I'd like it if I could go back in time and give myself advice on all the ways to not humiliate myself or do really stupid things. Like the time when I was 14 and I was doing a really exaggerated thrust dance in the middle of the church dance floor with church adults there. I really wish I could've told myself not to do that. Also I would give myself lots of almanacs and winning lottery numbers so that I could eventually take over the world.
17. I like it if David Bowie would knock on my door and be like, "I'm doing a Calgary show and my crew is lost. I don't really feel like singing tonight anyway, but I'd very much like to become best friends with you." I'd be all, "AHAHHAHAHAHA! SWISSSHHH!"
18. I'd like it if I could use all the static electricity in my house for resourceful purposes.
19. I'd like it if I could control every cell of my body, and alter my physical self with my mind powers.
20. I'd like it if it wasn't -30 for once.

I'll stop there. Anymore and I'd be bordering on discontent, which is totally different from being bored.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

dear diary sunday

So I decided that on Sundays I'm going to post old diary entries from the same date (or close to it):

Dec 20, 92 (13-years-old)
"Dear Diary,
Oh man do I ever feel stressed, I hate it when everything is planned, I feel like everyone is depending on me, and then everyone hacks on me to ask, why I wasn't there or why I was late. Today we had a nativity scene to do, we were supposed to be there at 5:00. It's 6:00 now. I just got home from Douglas' and I have no costume and my room is a mess from my brothers and sisters playing in it. I just can't take pressure at all.


I have 6 diaries from between the ages of 9 and 22. Lot's of material to work with here! So, like... stay tuned!

Friday, December 19, 2008

bonafide nerd ramblings

TWO WEEKS of -30?? What am I supposed to do with that? And with no hope of warmer weather until Christmas (thanks, Santa!), what the H am I supposed to do till then??

That's it, I'm starting a Second Life account, and in IT there will be NO days of -30 wind chills. In it I will also be 4" taller, speak with a British accent, and be able to fly.

Okay I'm not going to do that. That would be desperate. And Pathetic. And so nerdy that I'd probably lose friends (even though I'd make more than enough NEW friends to compensate). Even if I started it ironically, in reality I'd unfortunately love it and obsess over it. Role playing games are like my Ring of Power. I shouldn't wear them, I know that they will corrupt my soul, but they're so cool to wear! And I get to disappear! And join the realm of the half-dead! Of course by "cool" I mean "neat", and certainly not "hip" or "socially acceptable". Oh, and did I just make a Lord of the Rings reference and expect you to get it? Yes I did.

No, I'd never do it. No no no. So silly. Huge waste of time. Who's got that kind of time? Not me. Nope. With my busy schedule? No way.

But then... it IS -30, and it IS almost Christmas holidays... and I don't have a new Zelda game this year... I wonder how they celebrate Christmas in Second Life? Better yet, is there a Hobbiton in Second Life? Ooooh! I could live in the Shire! The sexy sexy Shire!

As an aside, I'm currently obsessed with Lord of the Rings because I recently bought Fellowship of the Ring for $10 at the flea market. And, as I mentioned in an earlier post, in my family Christmastime is synonymous with Star Wars (the original trilogy, none of that garbage Lucas shat out) and LOTR. My own personal Christmastime is synonymous with playing gamecube for 12 hours a day while eating pringles and cheap chocolates. Like take a week, fill it with Zelda, a quiet house, no obligations, and lots of junk food, then wrap it up, smack a bow on it, and I'd be a very very, sickeningly happy little Christmas girl.

I don't indulge very often though. I used to play Age of Empires on my computer every chance I got, until I was so good at it that I'd only play to dole out cruel and unusual punishment on my computer competitors. The satisfaction of that died pretty quickly, and I'm too proud to actually give in and seek out more wicked long, super fun games involving conquering the world. Also I just can't imagine ever having that kind of time again.

There must be some fun experiment-type project that a group of normal people could take on in a game like Second Life. Like, maybe six people start a gallery? Or do coordinated e-public "performances" as a digi-neo-po-po-modern investigations into the freaky online community? I mean, there's gotta be something interesting and fun to do in those things without becoming a complete anti-social nerd. I think it would have to be a group effort though, a "strength (and sanity) in numbers" kind of thing. However, I might just be trying to think of excuses to try it out...

I probably know a few people who are managing the closeted nerd thing too... perhaps a club of nerd-artists that I don't know about? I must have an hour or two somewhere that I could spare for some really silly suspension of reality fun... anybody? ... anybody?

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

stupid fantastic romantic

Kay so remember my post about dreams and quantum-ness? I had an awesome dream last night! Aaaand the person I was so comfortable with and having an awesome time with waaaaass... Stephen Colbert! YEESSSSSSS!!!! Yes! Yes! Yes! Somewhere in the huge infinite void of the sprawling universe there is another me and another Colbert who are having an awesome time together!

But it might also just be that I have a crush on Colbert. Sigggghhh... he's so funny. And so cute, siggggghhhh... and he isn't quite old enough to be my father...siggghhh....

Sorry Mike if you're reading this, but he's going to be in my head for a good solid week now. We'll just have to work through this together. And by work through it I mean you might have to pretend to be him for a couple of bedtimes. Also I'm going to have to watch a few online Reports and possibly even the Colbert Christmas again. It'll pass, of course. But not before I indulge in a healthy little obsession.

Anyway, the dream itself was pretty innocent. A whole bunch of people were at some kind of high school/college camp or convention. It vaguely resembled a church camp too. He was a councilor and I was a student. Some bitch was flirting with him and I was like she doesn't KNOW him! She'd NEVER make him happy! And then him and I sat next to each other and had a conversation and "connected", and then later we were walking on these winding paths, trying to look inconspicuous, and he told me he thought I was rad but that he was a bit older than me, and I said "you're not THAT old!" and told him I liked him, and briefly as the paths crossed we pecked each other on the lips. Then I was at an outdoor lecture and he was in the background trying to make me laugh, and I think I laughed in my sleep (I always do), and then woke up. I was very disappointed to wake up and spent a good half hour trying to retrieve the dream, but nothing. I'm a 15-year-old again. God, I love stupid romantic fantasies. Not enough to read stupid romantic novels though, but just enough to enjoy it when my mind digresses into them.

So I'm just going to go ahead and wallow in the artificial Colbert sweetness that I've been dipped in, and see if I can't think of the best possible ending for the dream. Wheeeeeeeeeee!

Thursday, December 4, 2008

quantum leap-frogging

that there is a collage by Crystalbeard.

Every once in a while I have a dream that shifts a bit of how I perceive things. Aside from the standby apocalypse dreams that make me sad (but happy that I now have a basement), and the bear-stalking dreams that make me wonder what the deal is with bears (said in Seinfeld voice), occasionally I have a dream that sticks in my gut, making me feel like I've caught a glimpse of something unique and mysterious. Usually these dreams involve someone that I know, but not always someone that I know well. Acquaintances, friends of friends, childhood buddies-- usually involved in a specific scene, a conversation, or an intimate, everyday casualness that makes me feel like I suddenly know that person, and that I know them very, very well.

During my religious days, these insights would be explained by the idea of the pre-existence; the place that all of our spirits were before earth. The belief goes that, way back when, all of our spirits knew each other and chummed around in a vague foggy world of souls. The belief extends so that now, when we see someone on earth who instantly feels familiar, it's because we were spirit buddies before. This is a fine and dandy theory, but since I no longer subscribe to that set of beliefs, it no longer fits into my way of understanding things.

About a year ago, I came across the movie What the Bleep do we Know?, which discusses quantum mechanics and the idea of parallel universes. It also discussed some dude named Rathma who I don't care to become acquainted with (sorry buddy, don't care), but the ideas around quantum physics and quantum mechanics were totally intriguing, and for the most part, REALLY fun to think about. This led me to conduct further research (as in, google stuff on the internet) that brought up the ideas of multiverses, and especially, the Many-Worlds Interpretation (

To be clear, I'm not seeking out any set of beliefs to make myself feel better about life and death, I'm not looking for anything to convert to, and I'm mostly apathetic when it comes to matters of the divine/sublime/infinite. The thing about the Many-Worlds Interpretation though, is that it allows for ANYTHING. Anything is literally possible! To quote the wikipedia article (which, as we all know, is 100% legit :) ), "In layman's terms, this means that there is a very large, perhaps infinite, number of universes and that everything that could possibly happen in our universe (but doesn't) does happen in some other universe(s)." Here's another quote from, "whenever numerous viable possibilities exist, the world splits into many worlds, one world for each different possibility (in this context, the term "worlds" refers to what most people call "universes"). In each of these worlds, everything is identical, except for that one different choice; from that point on, they develop independently, and no communication is possible between them, so the people living in those worlds (and splitting along with them) may have no idea that this is going on." To grasp the total coolness of this, you kind of have to read up on the rest of quantum theory, but for simplicity's sake, I'll just tell you that it's really awesome, and totally believable when you've read enough of it.

And for those of you concerned about death and stuff, there's this: "There is a rather more dramatic test than the one outlined above for people prepared to put their lives on the line: use a machine which kills them if a random quantum decay happens. If MWI is true, they will still be alive in the world where the decay didn't happen and would feel no interruption in their stream of consciousness. By repeating this process a number of times, their continued consciousness would be arbitrarily unlikely unless MWI was true, when they would be alive in all the worlds where the random decay was on their side. From their viewpoint they would be immune to this death process. Clearly, if MWI does not hold, they would be dead in the one world. Other people would generally just see them die and would not be able to benefit from the result of this experiment. See Quantum suicide." (also from wiki). I'm NOT proposing that suicide is cool by any means and I'm NOT suggesting anyone try this (unless you're a freaking idiot), but the IDEA of your consciousness flitting off to the next reality is pretty rad, and as far as afterliving goes, it would be pretty sweet to continually live out every possibility of your life (though maybe not the bad ones...), without necessarily having to grieve for, or be aware of, the life previous (like reincarnation, except you're always you). Basically it implies that your consciousness is immortal, which is the one thing I think I believe.

Again, this isn't "what I believe", but of all the ways to think, this one is pretty exciting. To tie it into my dreams, I'd like to think that maybe dreams are glimpses into all these realities. I mean, if the universe is infinite, then every possibility is also infinite, and in theory, everything that comes to you in your dreams could be a wave from an alternate consciousness. Pretty far out, I know, but totally fun. I especially wonder if the dreams involving moments of intense familiarity are the realities that are closer to my current reality. Like sometimes I'll dream that I'm in a different relationship, and in the dream it's totally natural, no confusion, and when I wake up I feel tied to that person for a while, even though there is otherwise no relationship between us. This isn't wishful thinking, either. I'm intensely happy with my husband and my life, but my mind seems constantly plugged into all these other possibilities. What would be really cool (but maybe confusing), is if the person I've dreamed about has had a similar dream about me! Although this reality isn't designed to contend with the others (this self can only have one world at a time), it would just be interesting to know. I guess it wouldn't even have to be dreams, necessarily. Sometimes meeting someone sparks an instant familiarity, but those moments can also be based on previous relationships (ie: "you totally remind me of so 'n' so").

Anyway, those are my recent mysterious musings... I'd be really interested to hear anyone else's thoughts on the subject.